Crazy Crazy Life

Have I mentioned how much I love being a mom? Well just in case you didn’t get the memo… I do very much. This new role I have is all consuming, wonderful, and the hardest thing I have ever done. My mom asked me the other day, “What surprised you most about having a baby?” She thought I would say the lack of sleep or something to that manner but I was very aware of and informed about all of the hard adjustments I would have to make. The thing that surprised me the most was that I would actually SURVIVE these hard and new experiences. Not sleeping more than an hour at a time, lying awake in bed all night with just the anticipation of my baby crying, poop all over everything all the time, spit up on my clothes the second I got dressed, spending so much money that I didn’t have to spend, and through all of that, looking into my son’s eyes and honestly knowing that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Your tiny little body in my arms

My soul weeps with unexplainable joy

The last nine month’s worth of fear, gone in this one moment.

How can something so small take so much of my heart?

And how did I become worthy of something so special?

Did you choose me? Did you want me for your mother?

I pray that you did, and that you were excited for your decision.

I think I picked you in Heaven.

They lined up the sweetest angels and I ran straight to you,

Squeezing you tightly and excitingly knowing that I would get to be your mom.

I worry about where the world will take you,

What kind of trials will break you down.

What things will pull us apart.

I will always be there to help you rebuild and help you to heal,

That is my promise to you.

I ask for your forgiveness in advance…

I know I will fail over and over again.

But I am going to try as hard as I can,

To make you feel loved, supported, safe.

I hope I can give you a beautiful life,

And that you will always be proud to call me MOM.